Hey everyone! It’s been a while, but I’m so glad to be back writing and sharing all that God has been teaching me. It’s been crazy around here in the Empowered Beauty family.
Life update; I got married!
This season of my life has been so surreal. From the wedding to settling into our new home, it all has stirred up many thoughts in my head.
So, today I would like to share with you five lessons I have learned from my first month of marriage. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married, these are for you!
1) Preparation is key.
During my season of being a single girl, just doing her thing, I wasted no time reading, researching, praying, and speaking to others about relationships.
Never had entering into a romantic relationship myself, I knew there was so much learning to be done. Instead of focusing on finding a husband, I left that up to God.
I chose to invest my time into going to nursing school, traveling, hanging with friends, and serving in ministry. I could obsess over every guy that walked into the room, or I could just trust that God’s plan for me would work out.
This is not to say that I didn’t pray for a husband. I did keep my eyes open (wide open!), but I didn’t make this my only priority. I wanted to ensure that when I met someone, they would find in me a well-rounded woman. A woman who had been diligent with her time, and prepared to be an amazing wife.
There are great bloggers out there like Girl Defined and Whole Magazine, to mention some of my favorites. These were safe, biblically sound places where I could read and learn and get some biblical perspective on how to date in a God honoring way.
This is your time sister, invest in you!
2) Marriage is for grown-ups.
Alright, this one really resonates with me. Maturity plays a huge part in the success of a romantic relationship.
So many girls expect to have a healthy, God honoring relationship, without putting in the effort to mature and grow. Yes sister, I said effort!
Here’s what I mean. You may think that the growth of a plant requires no effort on it’s part. After all, it just sits there and grows, right? Well, not exactly. See, a plant needs to absorb water and nutrients, and convert sunlight into energy to aid in it’s growth.
Maturity works just like that. We have to put effort into seeking council when a conflict needs resolution. We must put forth effort into asking for forgiveness, even when we don’t think we are wrong. We must put effort into loving and caring for another person.
Point is; maturity is hard work!
It wasn’t until I began dating Daniel (my amazing husband!), that I realized how many insecurities I carried inside. These insecurities led me to act immaturely on many occasions.
I had to learn to not keep score and communicate, despite feeling fearful of not being heard. If you want to have a relationship that is truly fulfilling, you have to put in the effort to grow up!
3) Perfection is overrated.
Life is not a movie. Trust me.
I am a hard core fan of the Hallmark Christmas movies where predictability is their signature and everything always turns out wonderful. But, that’s just not how life works.
My personality tends towards idealism. This means, that I tend to view the world as I would like it to be, not as it truly is. Oftentimes, this leads to disappointment. During our dating season, Daniel and I would clash over my unmet expectations and my lack of communication about them.
Our very first Valentine’s day was a disaster due to my crazy amount of impossible expectations. We lived an hour away from each other at the time, and we were both very busy that day.
I worked a 12-hour shift at the hospital, and he was swamped with college work. When we finally got to speak that night, he barely acknowledged the day. I angrily hung up the phone that night and refused to speak to him because my feelings were so hurt.
This is all to say, that we might create these crazy expectations in our heads about what dating or marriage should look like, but these might not be realistic. Not only that, we can spend so much time living inside our own heads, that we forget to appreciate the moments happening right before us.
The moments with the ones we love may not be perfect. But, in their imperfection they are perfect for us.
4) I am not my only priority anymore. Sometimes, I come second!
From the very beginning of our union, my husband and I made an agreement to not give each other the silent treatment. Instead, we would bravely and respectfully communicate about our frustrations. We realized being petty only robbed us of the connection we shared.
Let me tell you though, it takes a whole lot of selflessness to not be petty during an argument. It feels good, in the moment at least, to put on a sad face or even shed a tear when you’re angry. Whatever it takes to make the other person involved feel horrible about what they’ve done.
In the end, though, I’ve learned that acting this way is not only contrary to what Jesus teaches us, but it takes way too much energy, you know what I mean? It’s so much simpler to stop keeping score, and instead choose to forgive those who hurt us. Not only that, it’s so much more peaceful.
So, yes, our feisty inner self may want to raise their voice and say hurtful words. But when I place myself in second place, and choose to love the other person more than myself, love wins.
5) If you’re lazy, you don’t eat.
This lessons was a big one for me. I’ve never been a lazy or idle person. Let me tell you though, marriage is so much work!
I’ve been so challenged these last few weeks. From making sure the house stays clean so that my husband can come home to a beautiful house. Running errands on my days off, worrying about paying all the bills on time, cooking, and the list goes on and on.
My husband is such a big help, but I’ve come to realize how vital a woman’s role is in maintaining a home that a family can flourish in. It’s made me appreciate my mom for sure (love you mom!).
I mean, look at what this Bible verse teaches us;
10 For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.2 Thessalonians 3:10
Basically, we cannot reap a harvest if we don’t plant anything in the ground. Also, we must care for what we’ve sown.
In order to have a romantic relationship (or any relationship, really), that flourishes, we must be willing to work. Willing to communicate, work out issues, do nice things for each other, spend time together, the list goes on and on. Relationships take hard work, and only those who are willing to put in the work, can reap the harvest.
Ladies, I hope this quick blog post has inspired you and taught you some new things.
In a nutshell, I want you to understand that to have an amazing romantic relationship with the man of your dreams will require some preparation on your part. Oh, but it’s so worth it.
Until next time,
Our names are Carla and Paola. And yes…we are identical twins! We are pastors, ministers and young women who are absolutely in love with Christ. Our passion is to empower other young women through the message of Jesus Christ to fulfill their live’s purpose.
Although we are young (24 years old if you’re wondering) we have been preaching, teaching and serving in ministry for almost ten years. We hope that through our writing you may be encouraged and empowered to step into the calling that God has over YOUR life.
Thanks for reading!
Always praying for you,