I am twenty-five years old in, and I’ve been single absolutely every Valentine’s Day of my life. For some rare reason, it has always worked out that I would end up single every year around this holiday.
Don’t ask me why (mainly because I have no explanation for it) but for some reason God in his perfect judgement finds it amusing to make sure that I have no guy to make some grand romantic gesture to me on the most romantic day of the year.
Anyways, moving on…
So, I am currently single and have no romantic prospects on the horizon. As a normal twenty-something year old, I long to be in a serious relationship heading towards the altar. However, this hasn’t been God’s plan for my life. Yet.
On one particular occasion, I was sitting in my living room watching a sci-fi movie with some friends and family. I was enjoying myself, which is rare because I usually don’t like these types of movies.
As I looked around the room it dawned on me that I was the only single person in the entire house! I observed as everyone around the room was cuddled up on the couch next to their significant other and I sat there cuddled up next to a pile of pillows and a bowl of popcorn. How romantic, right?
If your dramatic like me, moments like these really make you hate being single. I don’t mind it for the most part as I keep myself pretty busy with work, ministry and hanging out with friends. But, there are those few days that I throw myself in bed with a delicious bowl of frozen chocolate goodness on my lap (aka my kryptonite) and binge watch romantic Netflix originals wishing I had a significant other in my life. Cute, right?
It can be hard for hopeless romantics like me to be satisfied with being single and there is nothing wrong with that. We were created to long for the wonderful intimacy provided to us by a significant other in marriage.
As singles, we live in the tension of wanting to be married but loving our single life.
Being single has it’s conveniences and advantages. For example, your time and attention can be completely taken up by God and doing the things you love. You’re not worried about returning texts and picking up someone’s phone calls. Your focus and pursuits are not divided.
Here is a little wisdom from the Apostle Paul on being single:
7 Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. – 1 Corinthians 7:7 (MSG)
I love how this version of the Bible describes the single life as a simple life! How many of us walk around expressing how hard it is to be single when it reality, it provides us with an uncomplicated life. No husband to please, children to care for or extra bills piling up in our mail box.
While being single you can enjoy doing the things that might not come so easy when you’re in a relationship or married. You are free to travel, make new friends and serve in various capacities. You can devote time to serving in your local church, community or school. You can go on missions trips overseas for extended periods of time. You can even devote more time to starting that blog that’s been on your heart for several years (wink, wink).
While I am not allergic to the responsibilities that would come with marriage, I understand that those responsibilities will undoubtally complicate my life in some ways. I long for marriage but I also understand the advantages afforded to me in my singleness right now!
Marriage won’t provide our ultimate satisfaction.
Listen baby girl, I get that right now you may hate being single, but trust me, it’s not the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.
Marriage won’t fix all of your problems. I remember that before I got into my first serious relationship, I really, truly believed that once I started dating someone, my love for them would cause me to change. And it did in some ways, but I was still the same broken me.
Dating nor marriage automatically makes you flawless. Romantic relationships do not heal years of baggage nor undo past mistakes. In fact, they may bring those flaws to the surface in a very tangible way, causing difficulty in your relationships.
When I started dating someone, I realized that all the brokenness that I never dealt with from my past wasn’t going to simply disappear. I was just as broken in a relationship as I was when I was single. Nothing changed except my Facebook relationship status!
Dear friend, I encourage you to love yourself today as you are where you are. I know it’s not as easy as it sounds, trust me, but it’s doable. Work on your character, bad habits and unhealthy tendencies. Invest in the areas of potential growth in your life and push yourself to flourish in your season of singleness. It will be worth it!
Don’t despise your current season of singleness.
Just like you, I’ve had my highs and my lows. There have been moments that I’ve cried out to God, tears streaming down my face, feeling sorry for myself because I’m single. The loneliness that I have experienced at my lowest points has been all too real.
But, I’ve also experienced moments in my singleness in which my life has felt so full and complete in which being in a relationship was the furthest thing from my mind. This was especially true in my early twenties when I was a full-time college student, a bible institute student, I was hanging out with my friends on the weekends and serving in ministry by preaching, teaching and leading worship. I loved my life.
Now, in my mid-twenties, God has given me amazing friendships and the opportunity to pastor a church with my family. I have the privilege of mentoring students and pouring into families. I have started playing guitar at church, reconnecting with old friends, adopted a cute mini poodle puppy and began writing again!
Also, I am a pround auntie to my first nephew and godson. Life could not get any better!
If we despise our current season and we do not learn to make the most of it now, we will also remain discontent in marriage. It is during the season of singleness, however long it may last, that we learn to practice gratitude.
23 His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ Matthew 25:23 (ESV)
It is a biblical principle that when we learn to steward what we currently have, God will give us more. Now, I am not saying that you may be single because you have not learned to steward your season well or that God will give you a husband as a reward for your faithfulness. Honestly, I don’t know that. What I am saying is that if you are faithful right now, in your current state, delighting yourself in the Lord, He sees that! Trust that He is faithful to reward you.
You are more than your relationship status.
For years I believed I was lesser than simply because I was single. Well-meaning church sisters would tap me on the shoulder and whisper to me, “He’s coming this year, sister. I believe it!” I would always try to muster up a smile and nod my head in affirmation, trying to be polite. Deep down, I was horribly annoyed.
We are constantly being fed a message as singles that our lives are lacking and on hold until we find a spouse. What many people do not realized is that times have changed and when it comes to finding a spouse, there is a lot outside of our control.
When people take pity on us as singles and try to comfort us with sayings like the one above, we can start to believe the lie that we are not enough on our own. This is so unhealthy!
We are more than a relationship status. Being single does not make you less of an amazing person, it just means you haven’t found the right person to spend the rest of your life with. That’s it! You do not have to feel depressed or insecure about that.
Lastly, God’s plan for your life is about more than just giving you a spouse. His plan involves using you as a single woman!
There was a time in my teenage years that I believed that my life’s goal was to marry a preacher. Little did I know that God was calling me to be a preacher myself!
I believed that I would be married by twenty-five and now, about six months from my twenty-sixth birthday, I understand that this won’t be the case. However, I have understood that the Lord wants me to honor him every day of my life, whether married or single.
Sister, God has incredible plans for your life. Being single is not a hindrance to God using you. You have purpose and value right now. There is a crazy and wild adventure waiting for you as a single woman!
MEET THE AUTHOR
My name is Paola Nicole. I am twenty-five years old and I pastor an incredible church with my family in Central Florida. I am passionate about youth ministry and mentoring young women and girls. I love leading worship, teaching and preaching God’s Word. My desire is to see a generation of young women armed with truth and ready to take on the challenge of accepting God’s call into ministry.
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